"hello, diary. my name's alice. i guess i'm buying you because i feel that at last i have something worthwhile to say."
if somebody invented a shirt with a giant pocket in the front they would be millionaires because who wouldnt want to feel like a kangaroo
the doctor told me I only have 6 months to live maybe 12 if I get enough likes on facebook
if you ever have children you could introduce them to people by saying hey wanna see what i made